10 years later...

10 years ago today...
    - I was in my freshman year at OBU, in fact, I'd been there for less than a month.
    - I had never been so far away from my family for such an extended period of time.
    - I was looking forward and excited about my future.
    - My best friends were spread across the U.S. Some were back in Texas, Lindsay was in VA,
       Angela was in Fayetteville, AR (ironically).
    - I was just learning to really depend on God to help me through the loneliness that comes when you
       you move away from all that you've ever known.
    - I had never met David...he was attending the U of A and working at Arvest...in fact, I'd never been
       to NW Arkansas at all.

    On that morning, I was in Dr. Auffenberg's World Civilizations class. The first tower had already been hit, but I had no idea - I had just rolled out of bed and rushed to make it to class on time. A student aide who worked in the history department came into our class as Dr. A was informing us about the first tower, and told the professor that the second tower had been hit by a plane - it was clear this was no accident.
     I remember feeling very confused. Dr. A told us that he felt sick. He said, "I can't hold class like this - not with this going on." He told us to go back to our rooms. That was when I knew it was more serious than my initial impression.
     We had chapel that day, and no classes for the rest of the afternoon. I spent my day in the dorm, watching the footage on the news over and over again. I called my mom, and I cried. I felt like a world separated me from my family - even though we were only a 3 1/2 hour drive apart. Lesley and I talked about the future - "What if there's a war?" "What if there's a DRAFT?" "What about the husbands we'd been hoping to find here at college? Would they leave to fight this new enemy?" Even though we never said it, I think all of us realized the innocence and sense of security that our nation had lost.

10 years later....I sat outside tonight with Elysen and David. I told him how amazing it is to me that someday, Elysen will say to me, "Mom, I can't believe there was ever a time you could walk with a person to their departure gate at the airport!"

     I sat in church this morning and cried as we listened to the song "There is Hope" by Dave Pettigrew. I teared up all week as I read the articles and watched the tv specials remembering the fallen. As I sat there tonight, I wondered why it makes me so emotional. I didn't lose anyone personally on that day. I didn't know any of the firemen who died. I didn't even know anyone who lived in NY at the time. But as I sat and thought, I realized that the sadness I feel every time we reach the anniversary of 9/11 comes partially from the loss our country experienced, but mostly, it comes from the glaring reality that the world we live in is full of evil and full of sin.

     There are wonderful things in this world that I have experienced over the past 10 years. I married a man who treats me far better than I deserve. I have a precious girl who tugs at my heart each and every time I look at her. My family is healthy, and I've gained a 2 brothers-in-law, 2 sisters-in-law, and a mother and father-in-law! I have so much to be thankful for. But in the midst of it all, we still have terrorists, and murder, and sin. Every year on September 11th, I remember that we are not long for this world, and that while we are here on an earth where Satan can influence people to commit such atrocities, the only way we can have hope is to look to Jesus.

     In a way, that is what I will always remember about this day: the feeling of lostness, and of desperation, and above all, the feeling that there is only One who will always, always be our hope.

Our Other "Children"

Today, I was reading this post on one of my favorite blogs and it made me realize that I don't talk much about the dogs these days- I wonder why. Ha!

Before Elysen was born, I had a couple of (mostly hormonal) breakdowns about our sweet puppies. I was so worried that they would feel slighted and lonely when she was born. Since she was born in the winter, I was worried that they would be so cold at night.

When we got home from the hospital with Elysen, I wanted to introduce her to the dogs right away, but I decided to hold off. There was a lot going on. David spent time outside each day with them, even if it was just to play for a bit while he was feeding them. My mom also went out a couple of times while she was here to give them some attention. Poor guys, they had no idea what was going on.

When she was a couple of weeks old, we decided it was time. So we let the dogs in the house. They were so excited to be back inside that they didn't even notice the baby. It wasn't until several days later when we let them in again that they heard a strange noise from the bundle on my lap. They were curious, but still relatively disinterested. I was happy - we could all coexist peacefully. Ha!

Now that Elysen is more independent, they notice her more. What's funny to me is that they deal with her in completely different ways. Darsee has always been one to show love by licking. This is not ok with me when it comes to the baby. So I have to keep a closer eye on Darsee and make sure she's not trying to sneak in a lick. Literally, she will sneak around and try to lick Elysen's foot while still keeping one eye on me making sure I don't see her. Remus is, as always, our calm guy. He rarely licks Elysen or anyone else, so he's the one that Elysen gets to pet. More often than not, when he sees her and notices her trying to reach for him, he will walk away. I think he's afraid he'll get in trouble. But sometimes, she will reach out for his face or ear or back and he will let her pet him. He just sits and enjoys it.

I can tell they both love her so much. And if they could talk, they would probably complain about how they don't get to spend as much time inside these days. However, they would probably also say that because of Elysen, we spend a lot more time outside. And because of Elysen, Darsee has learned to tolerate thunderstorms outside (much to her outrage). We still get to play ball with Remus, and Darsee still gets to sleep in her bed sometimes.

Pretty soon, Elysen will be able to walk or crawl up to them and then they won't know what to do. She gets so excited when she sees them. It's amazing how she knows them already.

The dog lover in me feels overjoyed when I see that Elysen loves Darsee and Remus. My worries of the dogs feeling lonely is gone. I know they have taken a back seat to the new number one in our lives, but they are certainly still an important part. A few days ago, it was a rainy day, so I let the dogs inside. Elysen was fussy and tired, so I rocked her and she fell asleep. I came into the living room, turned out the lights, and snuggled up on the couch with Elysen. Darsee curled up at my feet with her head on my knees, and Remus made his place on the floor next to the couch. And my dog-loving and baby-loving heart was so very full.

6 months

Elysen Ashleigh, you are 6 MONTHS OLD! Half a year ago, today, your daddy and I got such an amazing gift: you!

Weight: No idea (will update at your 6 month appointment in a few weeks)

*UPDATE: On 8/30 - your 6 month dr's appointment, you weighed 15.68 lbs. (35th percentile). This is WAY lighter than we thought you were. What are we going to do when you are a toddler and weigh 25 lbs????*

Height: 8/30: 24.21 inches (5th percentile....that's right....5th. I think it's safe to say that you're going to be short. But that's great - we love petite girls in this family.)

Sizes: You are wearing 3-6 month pjs and either 3-6 month or 6 month clothes. Some of your 6 month dresses are still a little big, but I can tell you're getting close. I don't know why pajamas are so big. You have some 9 month pjs that look like they could fit a 3 year old. You're wearing a size 2 diaper.

What you're up to:

- You are really into blowing raspberries these days. You will do it for half an hour at a time. Your daddy thinks it's really funny to put you in the Baby Bjorn, then wait until you are in prime spitting mode, then come and lean over me so that I end up with spit all over my head. Yeah, it's sooooo hilarious....not. Haha.

- We are working on sitting up, and you love to "stand" on your legs. You roll over all the time, and you scoot, especially in your crib. We go to get you up in the morning and you are all the way across the crib from where you started. You can sit up if someone is holding your legs to help anchor you down, but otherwise, you fall right over. I'm sure it will be just like rolling over - as soon as you decide to do it, there will be no holding back.

- You love to read books! We can sit in the rocking chair together, and you will pat the pages and giggle or talk to the pictures. Sometimes, you even "read" to yourself when you're on your play mat. You will get a book and talk just like you're reading.

- I spoke too soon about your great sleep in the last post. A day after I posted that, you decided to stop sleeping. I think it was because I had just started back to school. You were learning new things and you were in an unfamiliar place, so I think it upset your sleep pattern. For a week and a half, your daddy and I were sooo tired. One night, you woke up 4 times from midnight to 5 a.m.! Then, I finally just gave up and let you sleep on my chest.

But now you're back to your old self. At least until the next teething episode or life change or growth spurt, we're good to go.

- You are getting to be more inquisitive. Today, I tried to take your picture, and you WOULD NOT look at me! You were too busy looking at the piece of paper and at your crib. I was dancing and acting crazy, and you didn't care one bit.

- You still love to chew on anything and everything. Sometimes, I put my finger in your mouth and shake your chin and it makes the funniest noise. You don't care, you just chew and drool everywhere.

- You are going to Ms. Amanda's every day while Mommy goes to work. I take you over there at 11 and come get you at 4. You were pretty mad at first that you had to sit in the car line in Ms. Amanda's car when she goes to pick up her kids, but now you're getting better.

Speaking of Ms. Amanda's, it has been so hard for me to go back to work this week. Mainly, it's been hard because when I'm at home, I can't just focus on you. I have work to think about, and it's stressful for me. I would love to spend every minute of every day just focusing on you and watching you learn. But I know how blessed I am to get to stay home at all, even if it's just part time.

- You still love bath time - now you're really into splashing all the water out of the tub!

- You are eating lots of foods. So far, you've had bananas, green beans, squash and sweet potatoes. Unfortunately, these foods all give you lots of gas. In fact, I've really cut back on giving them to you because you were waking up in the middle of the night from the gas. I'm not sure what to do - I guess you have a sensitive tummy like your mommy.

- This month, we went to Texas for my 10 year reunion. We had such a good time! The car ride wasn't great, but once we were there it was wonderful to see friends and family. You even got to meet Champ the Cougar!

- I think about your future all the time. You are going to grow up in a world that is so rich with technology. You are already fascinated by our phones (oh dear) and you love to play Baby Aqua on the iPad. I think you really just like to look at the fish and try to touch them.

Sweet girl, I can't stand how big you are getting. You look more grown up every day. This picture of you that I took today looks like a BIG GIRL! Thank goodness it's just that one picture.

I love to watch you learn. And I love to see you look to me when you aren't sure about something. You love to touch my face and grab my hair (ouch!). My favorite part of the day is coming to get you at Ms. Amanda's and seeing you smile when I walk in the house. I already know how much you love me, and it's probably because you can see how much I LOVE YOU!

Miss Independent

2 days before Elysen turned 5 months old, she suddenly decided that she liked being more independent. She started playing for longer periods of time on her play mat or in her Exersaucer. In the morning, she would wake up happy and play for awhile by herself until we came to get her. And, miracle of miracles - she started sleeping through the night ALL THE TIME! Oh my. I wish I could put into words how wonderful it is to sleep again. For the first 5 months of her life, sleeping through the night was the exception, not the rule.

She's doing a great job eating too! She has now had green beans (not a favorite, but she eats them), squash, bananas (her favorite so far), and peaches. She also eats her rice cereal so much better. We got her a booster seat/high chair. Since she still can't sit up by herself, it wears her out, but she tries every day.

We also traveled to Tyler a little over a week ago for my 10 year reunion. At the last minute, David couldn't come, so Elysen was stuck in the back seat by herself. I'd really like to say that it went great and we had a smooth trip, but, sadly, she cried almost the whole way. On the way to Tyler, I was so stressed. She hasn't cried that much in a long time. It broke my heart. On the way back, I was better prepared, and God gave me the patience to press on.

But, despite the sad driving, Elysen did such a great job while we were there! I had already prepared myself for bad sleeping habits while we were in a strange place. Last time we were there, she wouldn't even nap in her pack-n-play. This time - she was a different child. She slept like a champ! Marmee had to put her to bed Friday and Saturday night, and, once they got their rhythm down, she was good to go. I couldn't believe it!

Elysen has already started going to Ms. Amanda's house for daycare. She went one day last week, and will go 4 days this week during in-service. Then we'll start with the part time days. She did alright on her first day after a rough patch in the morning (she hates taking naps sometimes!). It helps me so much to know that my baby is staying at a house with someone who really loves having her. I know she is going to love playing there this year.

She's also started laughing more frequently. I tell everyone that she has her daddy's sense of humor: very hard to impress when it comes to funny things. She will grin and grin, but not make a sound unless something is really funny to her. Aunt Ashley, and Aunt Allison and Marmee got her to laugh one afternoon in Tyler while I was at coffee. Since then, she's been more willing to laugh. Today, while she sat in my lap, I was reading her a book about animal tails and I was making all the animal sounds. I quacked like a duck and she thought that was HILARIOUS. David and I spent the rest of the evening quacking. We make such fools of ourselves. Ha!

I think she knows now when she's the center of attention. She's starting to show off. (What this means, I'm not sure, but maybe I should be worried.) Last night, I wanted to see if some of her 6 month dresses would fit, so we had a fashion show of sorts. I put the dresses and outfits on her, then we went to the bathroom to look in the mirror, then to the living room to show Daddy. She LOVED looking at herself in her new clothes. She would smile so big and squeal and scrunch up on my shoulder. We might just have a little fashionista on our hands.

This is a random post. I just wanted to record how much more independent she's become in such a short time.

All of this goes to show me, yet again, that being a mommy is the most unpredictable job on this earth. If someone had told me 6 months ago that my baby wouldn't start sleeping through the night regularly until 5 months....well, I would have cried. And I did cry...many many times...But it's all been worth it to see her growing into her own independent person.

5 months

Elysen , I absolutely cannot believe that you are 5 months old today. 5 months! How have 5 months gone by so quickly? You are getting to be such a big girl.

Weight: Probably between 15 and 16 lbs, according to our scale

Height: No idea, but I know you're getting taller because your clothes fit better and your dresses don't go down to your ankles. :)

Sizes: I have finally packed up most of your 3 month clothes. You still fit into the 3 month onesies, but they are looking a bit snug, so I moved you into the 6 month ones this week. It makes me sad to pack up those clothes.

You were still wearing a size 1 diaper until yesterday. You still fit in them, but they are getting snug too. So it's all size 2's for you now!

What you're up to:

- Your daddy took apart your swing this week. You are getting too big and you want to roll out of it, so it is going into storage until you have a brother or sister. You never really liked the swing all that much. It will be much sadder to me when you outgrow the bouncy seat (which is probably only about a week or so away...boo hoo).

Here you are asleep in your bouncy - but still holding onto your toys.

- You love to roll over all the time now. You always roll to the right onto your tummy, and sometimes from your tummy to your back. You have a harder time rolling to the left.

- The past week and a half has been amazing - you have become so much more independent. I finally know what it's like to have a baby who will play by herself for extended periods of time. I can put you on the floor on a blanket or mat and fold laundry or check email. You just lay there and talk to yourself and your toys.

- It's probably too soon to celebrate this, but in the middle of last week, you suddenly decided to start sleeping through the night! AHH!!! You have been taking a bath around 8, then your bottle before bed and sleeping until 6 or 7, or even 7:30....oh.my.gosh! I feel like a new person. Even if we still have a few setbacks, I have seen the light at the end of the tunnel.

- You have had a few bouts of fussiness in the last few weeks that we can only guess must be teething. And by fussiness, I mean screaming for no reason. You can usually be semi-soothed by a washcloth wrapped around a piece of ice. We also have some Baby Orajel that we use on occasion. You chew on everything in sight, and cover us all in drool. So far, no teeth, but your gums are bumpy where they will be. I really hope that we don't have a miserable time when your teeth start showing.

- This week, I stopped nursing you. I had thought about continuing until school started, but this week is really my last one at home with no school plans, so I thought we'd just go ahead. It was not a fun process for me, but you love your bottle, so you couldn't care less. Now that I'm through it, I feel fantastic. Nursing was stressful!

- You are such a little talker these days. You aren't just cooing anymore. You move your mouth and speak your own words (even though we can't understand them yet - ha!) and you have recently started blowing your lips together. It's pretty hilarious, especially when you blow your lips and end up spraying us all with spit or milk or food.

- Speaking of food...you are eating more than just bottles these days. Our pediatrician recommended starting rice cereal at 4 months. Well, you weren't thrilled. We tried it a few times and you SCREAMED. So we waited a few weeks. Now you eat cereal at least once a day, sometimes twice. We also tried some green beans a couple of days ago. You really don't like those at all - in fact, your whole body shivered all over every time you tasted them. Your daddy and I were cracking up.

*Update: Today (3 days later), I gave you green beans again and you LOVED them. You ate every bite at 2 different meals. You didn't want to finish your cereal, but you certainly liked the beans.*

- You like the car a little better now. We drove to Tyler a few weeks ago. It was the first time your daddy had gone with us. We took turns driving and sitting in the back with you. You didn't cry until about 20 minutes before we made it to Marmee and Grandad's! It was amazing! If I take you to town, you usually fuss. You just don't like it when you can't see people.

- You've started playing in your bouncy-saucer-thing (no idea what it's really called). You are still too short, so I have to prop you up with blankets. It makes you tired, but you like it for awhile. It won't be long until you're ready to sit up in it all by yourself.

- We moved you into your crib about a month ago. It was so hard on me at first. I didn't sleep for several nights. It was hard to have to walk across the house to get you for your middle-of-the-night feeding, but your daddy helped a lot. Now that you're sleeping better, we are all enjoying you having your own room.

- I have been working hard to learn my sewing machine. I made your blue dress that you're wearing in these pictures. I still don't have all the little details learned, but I'm getting so much better!

Elysen, you are such a sweet baby. You love to be held, and you love to smile at people you see. You also like to smile at Darsee and Remus, and pet their faces, if they let you. I can already tell that you will be such a loving person.

I could spend my days just sitting and playing with you. It's hard to get anything done. Every time I look in the mirror while I'm holding you, I see just how big you have gotten.

Precious girl, you are the light of our lives. We love you so very much.

She DID IT!!!

After a lot of practice, Elysen finally rolled over this morning! Yesterday, she was grabbing my finger and pulling herself over, so I just knew it would be soon. Sure enough, I put her on her blanket this morning and after some effort and a toy held up to tempt her, she plopped right over onto her tummy. Of course, I went crazy and she looked at me like I was insane.

She was having a bit of a fussy morning so she wasn't content on the ground anymore after rolling over. So we got up and she ate. Then, we tried again, and this time, she made it look easy!

(This was after the fussy time, sorry for the tears and drool, but that's the reality of our life right now.)

All day long we practiced and practiced so that she could show Daddy when he got home. He was just as impressed as I was.

Now, Elysen will hardly stay on her back for 2 seconds. She loves being on her tummy so much more than her back. After every nap today, I put her on her back to say hi, and within 10 seconds, she was rolling over.

David could hardly keep her on the cabinet after bath time tonight....

I think we've created a monster. :)

Raindrops on roses are nice, but...

My favorite things have changed over the last few months. For most of my life, one of my favorite things was sitting down with a book and reading all day long, stopping only for bathroom breaks and the occasional snack. I used to love shopping all day. I loved going out for a pedicure or massage. My favorite things have changed.

I barely have time to read anymore. Well, I guess that's not really true, but I choose to do other things in the time that I do have. Elysen has never been one to take a long nap (except that one glorious day when she slept for 3 hours in the afternoon), so during the 30-45 minutes I have while she naps, I usually get ready or clean up or sometimes just sit and enjoy the quiet.

We don't really do shopping yet. Last week was our first venture to the mall. It was hot as blazes outside and I was laughing at myself in the parking lot as I tried to wrestle the carrier (with baby inside) while attempting to get the stroller open. Then I had to get the diaper bag and my purse stowed away. Needless to say, I felt like a sweaty mess when I walked into the mall, not the peppy shopper of my past. Not to mention that it's difficult to maneuver around a store with a stroller. (P.S. I don't even want to think about how I'll manage someday with more than one child...)

I suppose I might go for a pedicure soon - my feet need it - but the practical side of me is winning over more and more these days. I don't really need to spend that money. If I'm going to spend money on unnecessary things, I'd rather they be unnecessary clothes or shoes for Elysen. (Little girls are WAY too much fun to dress up.)

So this post sounds a little depressing, right? I either don't have the time or the patience or the money to do what once were my favorite things. But, the great thing is, it's not sad at all. I have new favorite things.

1- Sitting outside with Elysen and watching the dogs play. She loves to be outside and she loves Darsee and Remus (and they love her).

2- Watching her learn by putting her hands out to touch everything within reach, i.e. my cup, the milk jug, her toys, and (my favorite) my face. She maintains a constant look of concentration while she explores.

3- Her "full face". She makes the most hilarious face when she's full. It is the look of perfect contentment. But I only get to see it when she nurses in the middle of the night (or in the morning) or right before bed when she finishes her bottle. I need to try to get a picture because it is my absolute favorite.

4- Kissing her sweet cheeks, and nose, and tummy, and head. Thank goodness that short spell of gross breath is long gone. She smells so sweet.

5- Rocking her - a new favorite. She finally decided that rocking is great. (I think this is mostly due to her grandmothers). I sing, and she lays her head on my shoulder. Her hair is getting longer now, and once or twice I've inhaled it and ended up having to scratch my nose or sneeze. Ha!

6- Laying in bed and realizing that it's light outside and I haven't had to get up with the baby yet. This one seems pretty self-explanatory. Let's just say her sleeping is getting better. Perhaps the days of waking up regularly at 3 or 4 a.m. are moving behind us.

7- Watching David with Elysen. I like that he's selfish with her attentions just like I am. I sometimes get worried that he's tired and wants me to take her, but he'll say, "Hey, why are you taking her? I haven't had my time yet."

So, my favorites have changed. The loss of freedom makes me a little sad sometimes, but most of the time, I don't miss it because my life is so full. God is good. Every night, I read my Bible on the iPad and have a time of prayer and thankfulness for all He has done. And I'm sure, after writing this, that I will spend the rest of the day not only thanking Him for my new favorite things, but also humming about "bright copper kettles, and warm woolen mittens". :)